The Source of my Bummer

I think I've landed on the source of my recent strings of bummers. I'm somewhat the antithesis of my surroundings. A relatively independent person who just gets caught up the drama of living so when events shoot off everywhere I'm prone to react to them. The recent events of my life have really spun my head around. When my head gets full of a bunch of bummers and stressful situations my attitude slips and you get this version of Josh that's kinda melodramatic. Luckily, I have spotted the events that has caused this chain of bummers and with some careful planning I know I can make all my negatives positives.

So let me list a couple so that we're on the same page. Things on my mind and agenda list are:

• The year long 35-40 Page Thesis Report Class
• The fact that it is a year long when it really doesn't have to be
• The Small 2 page and 6 page summaries and drafts (that make sense, but feel mundane and unnecessary)
  
• Having to focus my topic down to the micro level, but when asked on the streets "what's your thesis on?" not having a sufficient short answer. (e.g. you just want to tell the guy, "look how should I know I'm just started research'n :P
• More School
• One last final class that has with it its own little agenda and demands
• The fact that I need this class to graduate, but the material is stuff I've already studied, wrote papers on, and generally wished that I could just not show up to class and, in its place, hand in reading reviews and discussion papers to make up for no attendance.
  
• Work
• Progress mostly, making sure that the duties assigned to me are getting done.
• Keeping on task and staying focused
• Not getting burned out and rejecting thoughts of leaving
• Trying to maintain myself
• Business life
• Trying to keep both these balls in the air while remaining sane
• Personal Life
• Trying to take care of myself
• Trying to be original and unique, but also inventive and creative
• Trying to keep this blog alive since it is my only outlet at times #@_@#
• Organization and prosperity (don't ask)
• I.e Keeping the room, clothes, and body tidy and clean
  
• Trying not to ignore or lose any connections with the people I need to connect with, because the loss of these connections would redefine my life by school progress and work and I don't want either of them to define who I am (would you?).
• Phone bill, Insurance, Gas Bill, The Car (and the lingering doom of breaking down on me sometime)
• Other
• A Christmas vacation that I promised I would take Tink on this year.
  

So there's a lot on my proverbial plate here, and the point of where this turns into a whirlwind of confusion and frustration, is when I fail to properly organize and rank certain things by their importance. I can tell you, and others might agree to this in their life, that all these things I could rank as Priority 1 or as high priorities. Thus, I think that more coordination is the key to success-- so from here I need a plan.

On top of the plan I need a means of communication to broadcast just what Josh is up to. So while the plan is in the works and this blog still serves to broadcast my mind's thoughts.. I have a message:

"I want to first apologize if I have been unresponsive to you or have made you feel that I am uninterested with you. As you can tell this is most definitely not the case, I just have a lot to do. I care about each and everyone of you as though you were all priority one in my life. However, serving in the interests of getting things done and being progressive I would like you to support me as I 'get things done.' You can know, deep inside, that I love each and everyone of you, but I think it would be good if I spent some time on getting my life in order. This isn't me giving up on you or shutting off all lines of communication to you, indeed it would be great if you would keep in touch daily or semi-daily. Keeping all the balls in the air has been tough lately, and I rather do not like this time of season since everything seems to converge at this juncture in the year. For the time being I'm just going to putt away at everything that I need to complete. If you are on my list then rest assure you'll get my full attention when I get to the required task you assigned. Likewise my request to those who do support me is that you refrain from making offers that would otherwise sidetrack me. Soon all will be finished and I'll be able to continue running off doing things with all of you at anytime, but for now it would nice to manage my time for a little bit to really get things done.

You all are loved by me, and I hope you don't take this as a sign that I'm just bundling up and closing the door. Feel free to drop me a line or email or IM, I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Thank you for all your understanding, rest assure that when my tasks are with in manageable parameters I'll notify all of you via this blog.

*whew.. time to take a power nap, then wake up and get some things done! heh heh~

~J out