I Cut Myself Shaving

Lets get back to blogging!

There is a very practical "matter of fact" -ness to cutting yourself while shaving. The fact is, nicking yourself just happens. And, as a matter of consequence, there are very practical and impractical implications that can seen.

For one: YOU'RE BLEEDING..

Not to sound condescending, but it just happens to be that your #1 prerogative has changed from shaving to first aid.

And... it just so happens that first aid in these times of duress are some what trivial for me, so I often error on the side of low impact "apply more tissues" technique until it stops. Sometimes my tissue method works, but often it ends up in a bigger mess.

In this case I nicked myself in an area that is the most stubborn of spots. It seemed no amount of tissue was going to wilt the ever growing rose bud that kept on flourishing near my upper lip.

(note the attempt to avoid language dealing with bodily fluid terms)

There was no stopping it, the tissue method had failed me and I had to give up and put a small bandage on the cut if I was going to stop it. Suffice to say the whole 15-18 minute episode of trying to stop a very minor cut starting to get my mind thinking of how this rather humorous mediocre event is, in a way, a sort of a metaphor for my life this past year.

Now comes the big lecture, but first let me just put things into context...

About a year ago I landed, what could probably be, the greatest job I've held in my life. It filled me with confidence, independence, and a constant state of self appreciation. However, all of this was just advancing my personal growth and not doing much for my my social growth with friends and family. In fact, I felt as though I was neglecting my social life in an effort to go from broke (which I thought was bad) to having some money (which I thought would make me a better person :)

However, this wasn't the reality. In fact, It would be fair to say that as I ascertained my job, I had metaphorically nick my lifestyle and redeeming qualities that, over a period of time, formed a rose bud on my relationships that couldn't be healed by putting 'green-back tissues' on it.

It would also be fair to say that the implications of having a quasi "real job" sucked the whatever out of me as it kept screaming like a 2 year old to "PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW!"

What I ended up as, or am now, is a dry, somewhat callous person that no one likes, but is too shy to say so. "The change", as it were, that I endured wasn't an 'adult transformation', but a shift from my creativity that flowed from a penny-less, transportation-less, vagabond life to a more surreal 'working dude' that's destined not for adventure, but for *sigh* more work.


And honestly... who likes them folks? And who really wants to hear about office politics? The bottom line is that a job sucks the perception that this 'working dude' is not adventurous or his life is just not going to equate to much more then more work. That was the epiphany in the comedy "office space."

Ok ok.. so what's my opinion of my guess of what others opinions of me might be?

Well, in short, I would have to agree, but only halfway. To get back to my shaving analogy, the point of realization was when I finally decided put a bandage on and ditch the tissue method. A lot of times where this realization happens is right where men have their iconic "mid-life crisis" moment. However, there is nothing in life's manual that says that I have to wait until I'm 40 to realize that. I can realize that now and correct for it... Can't I?

Yes, it's all very true... I mean I could change it all around right now by selling all my stuff and buying a sailboat and then go ahead with circumnavigating this earth. As of now, I have the cash on hand to do it and the motivation, but if I dug deeper I would likely arrive at the question of just who I was trying to impress by doing such a thing. It's nearly fact that once I take off and set sail, I would be impressing somebody, but who and why? I know myself well enough that somewhere afterwards (like perhaps halfway into my first storm) I'm going to wonder just 'what I am doing?!' and "how is this 'taking off from home' establishing new life long relationships that will help my social growth...?!" And the answer will be that my taking off and leaving is nothing better then just another self serving practice that does nothing but continue putting more tissue on this minor shaving nick of mine.

What's with that? Why is that the right way to go?

Answer: I dunno and quite frankly it's not the right way to go. Look... what's happened has happened and probably couldn't of happened any other way. And doing my little tissue technique to stop this relatively minor nick in my cosmic karma isn't working to help out the problem. So the next step needs to be finding that bandage and putting it on to stop the bleeding. I know it'll look awkward, perhaps funny, or perhaps really really strange, but all bandages (actual and theoretical), while funny or strange looking, have a central purpose to heal you... they have a purpose of making these times of duress, while really just trivial, heal quickly and efficiently.

Thus I predict that my joining the Military will seem to many like I'm "running away," and so really it's like I'm just trying a new brand of tissue, but that's not so. The truth is that I am doing, what the new age society probably would call a, "Self-Motivated Self-induced Intervention." Looking at the most drastic of options, I'm picking the path that is the most challenging and demanding bar none. If accepted, I'll be attending a school that Marines pride themselves of being the hardest commissioning program in the Navy, and quite possibly the military as well. It's Called Naval Officer Candidate School and it's 12 weeks of physical and mental demanding work as featured in an article by the Providence, RI newspaper (linked).

OCS, as it's abbreviated, would be the 'grandest of interventions I could get into that the world can provide. OCS is a program that emphasizes discipline, teamwork, and a closer attention to detail. OCS is more then a mere bandage, it's a full surgical revitalization procedure that will take where I am now (nicking myself and working a j.o.b.) and take me to a whole new level of life, by taking the issues in my life and facing them head on and overcoming them. It'll be a life worth being proud of with no regrets and hopefully fewer nicks :). So, yes! While it's a self-serving move, its for the greater cause of helping others, because I believe changing the world has to first come by changing oneself.

It's time to treat the wound and stop the bleeding and then renew my life, now, which is in need of a redirection, a redirection towards more grander horizons.

今に新僕をしたいんだ！

~J out

First Draft Secured- Senioritis Setting in

Oh man oh man... I feel like I just dumped the biggest unconsolidated brain load on this draft. I mean I can't read past the first 10 pages before I'm either lost or bored. We're talking about the thesis draft I wrote just this last weekend.

I'm slowly working on it in sections, but it's like pushing with all my might against a force I didn't account for... senioritis. The condition seniors in their last semester get when they generally don't give a sh*t about finishing anything.

It's set in hard, since this is my second round of being a senior. I mean its disgraceful to think I would settle right now for a C just to walk in May, but there it is.

I know I got to kick it in high gear and produce a more shiny piece of cr*p if I want have some decent dignity when I walk the line in May for my sheep skin. But where's that going to come from?

Peaz

~J oot

Thesis Crunch

Gee I wish I could blog more often then I have been recently. However, my priority as of now is graduation and to graduate I have to knock out this first draft.

Bottom line.. it's crunch time.

~J out